Who are we? What is our role on this planet? What is it what we are looking for? Why are we wandering around? Why can`t we just be happy? Why the hell are we just asking ourselves questions like that?
Because society tells us each day, each moment that we are not enough. We are not beautiful, we are not smart, we can always improve ourselves. And so do we.
I never realized that so hard than during my travels. But it started earlier. Two years ago I started to train my ass off. I tried to lose weight because well first I didn`t feel comfortable in my own skin. I didn`t liked to look in the mirror. I didn`t buy new clothes saying to myself: babe you`re damn hot. I had reached my inner boundary of “maximum acceptable weight”.
So I trained hard, lost weight, felt better. Then I start thinking about it. I always said to myself if I lose 20kg I will be so much more. More fun, more sexy, more social life, more adventure. Bullshit!! Why do I want to be more but not just me? Isn`t that enough? So I pushed away the thought process to fit in a smaller size. I just wanted to get fit, to hike more, to dance more, to just be fitter than usual.
And that was the day where I start being good with myself. Each day more okay. Each day more comfortable. Last year was the first time in my life that I wanted to wear a bikini. Because you know what – I don`t care if you like it or not. I hate swim suits, they are still wet after 10h of pure sun so you`re freezing the whole time. So if you don`t like it, don`t look at me. I stopped coloring my hair because I couldn`t even tell people what my natural hair color looks like. I just couldn`t remember, I dyed it in multiple colors: black – purple – red – blond. But people tried to tell me that it looks boring if I wear them naturally. So what? And yes my eyebrows needs to be more dark because I`m so pale and I have no real expression in my face with blonde eyebrows. To be honest? I love to dye my hair, to put on make up, to make my eyebrows dramatically black. But I truly became the feeling, that people don`t accept you if you are real. And I just wanted to be one time in my life natural. I worried about a lot more things that I couldn`t be bothered about the color of my hair, eyebrows or nails!
Here in New Zealand I wanted to be myself. I want to have it pure, if that makes sense. I left my make up at home. My hair is drying from the sun and the wind and so does it look like. I don`t have fancy clothes with me. Because stuff I wear have to be practical in the moment. I mean where should I wear my dresses? During hiking? Yeah for sure. Doesn`t make sense ey? But wait. Aren`t all those great amazing pictures on social media with girls in pretty dresses or good looking model-boys? I don`t know if I`d realized that before but I get kind of rustrated with all that fake social media picture in the moment.
Nobody on this planet can tell me, that one of us girls is hiking up a mountain, over 10h wilderness pure…. taking a picture in a damn hot looking red dress, high heels and smokey eyes, they are so smokey you have to be careful to not burn the hills. And best of it – no sweat?! Seriously, I`m looking like shit when I walked up a mountain. My face is red as a tomato, my hair is everywhere else but not in my bun and because I`m a human being, I also sweated 10 hours. And then I realized it – I wasn`t happy with my pictures. I just shooted landscapes. Had thousands of pictures, not one includes me. You know why? Because I thought that`s not looking good. Why didn`t I thought about what I`m wearing. Blue shirt and pink trousers – looking horrible on a picture! Girl – next time you have to wear better stuff for the pictures.
BULLSHIT!! That is not real. Everybody is looking wild when they are doing outdoor stuff. We are not on a shooting for cosmopolitan!!!
Since a few monts I`m searching a damn short – didn`t thought NZ sun is that hot. But I can`t find one. Because my legs are looking horrible in shorts. One short is white – not that good. The other one? No when you see your friends expression on her face. Okay, maybe next time they have my shorts. BULLSHIT!!
Dating a guy with my sport leggings, not the fancy sexy underwear but more the granny-style looking undies? Don`t do that, don`t even think about that! Go shopping, make your hair, put some make up on. Seriously?
Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. That`s all I want to say about it. Where is reality?! Why are we so manipulated from all those must-have`s and social media pictures. Of course they are pretty and beautiful. But they are not real. They are not the daily life. They are the reason why so many kids and teenies are having problems with themselves. Because they want to be like the person on their screens. But they don`t see the make-up and hairdressers, the photoshop skills. They think this is reality. But it is not. And we have to stop acting like it is.
I don`t know why, but I have the feeling we have to start being more real on social media to make life easier for all of us. Even if I tell people I`m fat they just look at me and say – don`t say that, you`re just curvey. As if It`s something bad. But why? Because society says you have to fit in size zero. And if you do not, we will find a way to get you into this size – if you like it or not. You can`t even buy a shampoo for normal hair, you even have oily hair, damaged hair or whatever sort of hair. But not normal or healthy hair – doesn`t exist anymore. Society shows you that pretty looking people are more successful. Their pictures get more likes, they go more viral. But those people working their asses of to look like they are looking or getting those images. They are living for that pseudo life, to build up a fake image. That is not real life. So why the hell are we all trying to be like somebody else but not ourselves? Why don`t we see those pictures as a part of art? Why do we have to implement them into our own life? Doesn`t make sense to me. Not at all.
It`s okay to be real, to be not perfect. To have curves, not the best make up, cellulites and not those super funky clothes on our travel pictures. Most important is, that we are okay with ourselves. That we can show the world that we are happy and having fun. And beauty is in every one of us. We just have to accept it. We are worth it. And we should start being more real and less fake. Because we are all unique. Wanting to copy somebody else is just.. bullshit. So next time when you make a selfie – don`t take 100 until you get the “perfect” one. Just take maybe three.. for the beginning.